Confessions of a Biological Clock

Hi all. I'm sorry. I have been meaning to write an entry forever. Frankly, other than the student loan debt roundups which I've forgotten to do for a few months, not much is new with me. It wasn't until today that I realized the ONE THING that has been going on in my life I've been reluctant to write about.

Because you're not supposed to talk about it.

It's awkward, personal and bordering on rude in some people's opinions. But I've decided to say it anyway because I thought at least some of my readers would like to know. And because after several years of writing about my life I didn't want to let this blog just die off as I enter a new phase of my life.

I want a baby.

Not just me. My husband does too. We want to create a new person. I told you this would be awkward to talk about. I am trying to get pregnant. Phew, there I said it.

I remember a couple years back, when I was planning my wedding, a commenter remarked on my blog that I was going to "get married, get pregnant and quit my job." As you can imagine I was offended by his remarks. Not only because he was implying I was some sort of Gold Digger, but because he was trying to fit me into a box. The Predictable Female box. Even though I always thought I wanted kids, for someone else to assume I would be having them just because I was getting married hurt.

I was never the type of woman that was anxious to get married. I made my education and then my career a priority. And I am so happy I had an independent life, over a decade of living on my own before marrying DH.

Then during the 18 month engagement we talked a lot about the future. We wanted to have some time as a married couple before starting a family. We wanted to travel, enjoy each other's company and become financially secure. We set a date that we would start to try.

And then we started trying. And it was exciting and scary all at the same time. I toured a day care (take that rude commenter!) and picked out baby names. Quickly, however, it seemed that something was wrong. Without getting into too many details, it just wasn't happening.

Months go by and I invest in books, a thermometer, over the counter medical supplies, fertility yoga, fertility tea, herbs and vitamins. I drink 96 ounces of water a day. I turn 32. I try acupuncture. I'm still not pregnant.

So that's what's new with me. I wish I had better news. I just wanted to say I always thought the whole concept of a biological clock was silly. I thought women were being pressured by societal norms to reproduce, not nature. Sadly now, I know the truth. There is something going on now that even common sense cannot suppress. I could have anything in the world right now and it wouldn't matter because it's not a baby. Sometimes it's a dark place.

The good news is I have excellent insurance and an appointment to see a specialist in less than a month. I'll keep you posted and I promise to try and resume a more frequent blogging schedule from here on out.

Where it Went 3/02 - 3/15

I narrowly avoided my old nemesis, the Evil Overdraft Monster this pay period. All because I forgot I had to go to the eye doctor. Oh and I bought concert tickets, but since the latter was put on a credit card I just now paid them off (will be accounted for in the next budget).

In short, I blew my budget, but I needed an eye exam because of all the problems I've been having and while my insurance pays for all the opthamologists I've been visiting, opthamologists know nothing about contacts and can't give me a prescription for them. And, as I've explained before, while contact prescriptions are only valid for one year, most insurance companies (including mine) only pay for a complete eye exam every two years.

Today, I get to spend even more money ordering new contacts online. I opted not to order them from Walmart where I had my exam because I found the same brand for much cheaper at lens.com.

Anyway, long explanation over. Here are the dirty details.

Budgeted/Actual

Joint account - 400/400
Defaulted Student Loan - 260/260
Credit Card - 200/100
Groceries - 75/82
Health - 60/50
Gym - 33/33
Charity - 20/25
Misc. - 185/170

Concert Tickets - 0/200

Eye Doctor - 0/92

Which means I need to account for $117 in the next pay period so everything resets itself perfectly. Boo.

I am, however, very excited to be able to see again...especially with all the concerts and fun stuff we have planned for the warmer months.

Where it Went 1/05 - 1/18

I am happy to report that in addition to joining a new gym, I joined Weight Watchers a little over a week ago and am already seeing positive results.

The ongoing process of getting rid of clutter in my apartment yielded an additional $80 this pay period, which helped subsidize the membership fee (I paid for three months in advance I think). It didn't help all the overspending as I really wanted some household stuff too. The challenge of living in a small space is sometimes you have no place to stash stuff but I hung up some shelves and bought those special space saving hangars (they work!).

In addition to my January charitable donation, I also made a political contribution of $28. Speaking of giving, Nicole over at The Budgeting Babe has also pledged to give to 12 charities in 2011! I've been a fan of her blog for years so I'm excited my post caught her interest.

So that's how the cookie crumbles. Here's how I did compared to the budget I set out two weeks ago:

Budgeted/Actual

Sallie Mae - 407/407

Defaulted Student Loan - 260/260

Sprint - 74/74

Credit Card - 200/100

Health - 85/65

Charity - 50/78

Gym - 33/33

Weight Watchers - 0/65

Misc. - 148/227

I plan to post a little more on my weight loss journey and hopefully share some tips that have helped for me. Right now all I can say is track everything you eat and get to the gym as much as possible and you will see results.

Where it Went 11/24 - 12/07

Sorry this post is so late in the day. Got stuck in mandatory training all day. Have some money news and general life musings to write about, but not enough time to write them.

In the meantime, here's where my money went the past two weeks compared to the budget I established:

Budgeted/Actual
Roth I.R.A. - 500/500

Perkins Loan - 200/200

Credit Card - 200/200

Groceries - 75/0

Health - 45/130

Gift - 100/160

Misc. - 151/140
Clothes - 0/110

This budget reflects $14 in additional income earned.

I managed to get some great gifts for my husband and brother (who is deployed for Christmas). And I got some new work clothes since it is freeeeezing out.

Health costs should be abating soon I hope. Can't wait for my FSA to kick in!

Where it Went 11/10 - 11/23

Here I am, still haven't left town yet to get on the road to see family for Thanksgiving. In fact, we probably won't get on the road until sometime tonight. I greatly dislike the highways in general, but especially at night before a huge holiday.

But at least it gives me some time to write up a budget review. So here's where my money went the last two weeks compared to the budget I set for it:

Projected/Actual

Sallie Mae - 407/407
Defaulted Student Loan - 260/260
Sprint - 74/74
Groceries - 150/97
Professional Fee - 155/155
Health - 45/160
Misc. - 180/183
Gifts - 0/50
Clothes - 0/120

Overbudget in a few categories and the health costs will continue to be higher than normal for at least a short time. It's not something I regret, as it costs money to make myself better (and yes I'm being purposely vague for the time being).

I did manage to bring in $47 in additional income the past two weeks which makes up for some of the unbudgeted expenses.

And I held off for the longest time on buying clothes but faced with the upcoming holidays and the Moth Massacre of my sweaters I gave in and bought some new stuff.

That's how the pumpkin pie crumbles. Stay tuned for a new budget post.

Where it Went 10/13 - 10/26

Boo for this budget report. Not fun "boo" as in ghosts and Halloween but boo as in "boo hoo, I''m broke" or "my boo boo costs what?!"

After declaring I was gonna go out and spend some money, well, spend money I did. Then...I had a bit of a health scare, resulting in the following charges:

Urgent Care Center co-pay - $20
E.R. visit co-pay - $70
Prescriptions (including those not related to the health scare) - $20.
Grand Total = $110, which puts my total health care expenses at $180 in the PAST TWO WEEKS if you count the random $30 I owed my OBGYN.

Seriously boo to all of that. The Emergency Room is definitely a spooky place to spend your Saturday. And I don't even know if I will be charged a co-pay for my followup appointment today. Plus I went out and got some OTC things to help with my condition after the appointment. (Note that expenses today don't count towards the budget report, it's just aggravating.)

Anyway, the good news is I'm okay. And really considering opening up a Flex Spending Account since open enrollment season is coming up.

So here's where it went:

Projected/Actual

Sallie Mae - 407/407
Defaulted Student Loan - 260/260
Sprint - 74/74
Health - 60/180
Event Tickets - 60/60
Charity - 30/50
Groceries - 100/100
Clothes - 150/0
Misc. - 144/289




Booooo! Totaling everything up is scary. A lot of the miscellaneous is household stuff as I went on a kick of sprucing up our condo. But reality has set in and I'm done with shopping sprees for now. And I didn't even get any clothes!!!

I was able to earn $50 for consenting to take on another court assignment. I'm excited that these are coming in more frequently now as I definitely enjoyed spending the last $500 I earned. There may be more news in the area of additional income soonish so stay posted.

Budget 4/28 - 5/11

I am crossing my fingers that my wedding dress arrives in the next two weeks (oh please go back to that post and read some excellent troll comments!).

Ticker update alert - with today's contribution I believe we have just over $5000 left in the Wedding Savings account. We're just about on target with our wedding savings with under three months to go.

Personal training has been going well too, though I'll have to scale back my sessions to once a week instead of twice of week due to money and time constraints. A month of intense training gave me the foundation I needed to work out on my home and was, in my opinion, money well spent. It's tough to stay motivated every.single.day but with a lot of hard work, I have seen some results.

I am also anxiously awaiting the busy time at work to be finished - we all are - but right now it seems everything is in such a state of flux that there's no telling what will happen. My workload has doubled and while I am getting tons of hands-on experience, it's hard to juggle three projects at once. Last night I had a dream about my boss! (Not that kind of dream I swear, but he bought me mozzarella sticks....weird, right?)

Anyway, enough non sequitor, let's get to the budget!

Starting Balance = $1261

100 - Credit Card
500 - Wedding Savings
93 - Perkins Loan
80 - Law School Loan
100 - Groceries
90 - Health*
140 - Personal Training
157 - Misc

*I'm pretty frustrated with my insurance company. They never tell me I owe them anything at the appointment and then I get a phantom bill in the mail several weeks later (still directed to my old address even though I moved six months ago and have told them that). Anyway, today I sent a check for my $25 annual dental deductible and have another $20 to pay for labwork. I finally found my checkbook!

Where it Went 3/31 - 4/13

Personal Training is going great! I have lost ten pounds in three weeks!* And inches too. I'm feeling pretty good even though it's really hard work and the diet is kicking my butt.

*Note that it's only healthy to lose about 2 pounds per week and my trainer wasn't expecting that much to happen so quickly so I have to be careful I'm getting enough calories and don't hurt myself, etc.

Expect a longer post today about the final stages of wedding (budget) planning but for now here's an accounting of my budget for the previous pay period:

Budgeted/Actual

Personal Training - 280/220
Perkins Loan - 93/93
Law School Loan - 80/80
Credit Card - 0/200
Groceries - 75/0
Health - 45/40
Wedding Savings - 580/580
Misc. - 163/140

In other news, I learned an expensive internet lesson: just because something looks awesome on a web site doesn't mean it will look awesome in person. Sigh, have to return a too expensive dress I bought to wear to my shower but at least I'll get my money back!

And since I was having too much fun with my April Fool's Day post, I neglected to mention that it's been a year since I've been at my "new" job. Woohoo! Hopefully this means I will be seeing a pay bump soon.

My Annual Exam Cost $254!

This post is about women's health so if that doesn't interest you feel free to stop reading...

Recently I had my annual exam and pap smear. This was actually the first time I've ever gone to a private OBGYN practice to have this performed as previously I went to my regular family doctor, the college health center and most recently my local Planned Parenthood. I liked the Planned Parenthood, especially when I didn't have "real" health insurance during law school and it is in walking distance from where I've lived the past 6 years. But I figured it was about time I established a relationship with a local practice because one day I may need care that's more than "preventative" if you catch my drift.

The appointment was fine (as fine as any half hour of your life in which you are prodded in such a personal way) and I paid a $20 co-pay when I left. Today I received a bill in the mail for an additional $10 for charges not covered by my insurance. The statement itself was enlightening.

My doctor's office attempted to bill $210 for the visit alone, of which I paid $20 and the insurance company "adjusted" payment was $56.

The pap smear is billed at $35, of which my insurance paid $27 and I am liable for $8.

The lab work is billed at $9, of which my insurance paid $7 and I am liable for $2.

Total charges = $254
Total paid by insurance = $90
Total paid by me = $30

Damn. Last year at Planned Parenthood, $35 got me my annual and six months of birth control pills. No wonder insurance companies are looking to do away with the annual exam.

My Fitness Splurge: Balance Ball Chair

As I posted last, I've been on a mission to shed some pounds for the wedding and just be in better shape over all. It's a new mission but I've already seen some progress and I feel great. (Okay the whole drinking 8 glasses of water a day thing isn't awesome, but I digress.)

And like all new endeavors this one has presented me with temptation to spend money. Sure you don't need to spend any money to lose weight. I could run up and down the street with two cans of Campbell's Soup in my hands if I wanted to, but I find that signing up for gym classes keeps me motivated. Also Spark People is awesome, check it out if you need some motivation and advice for free!

But I ended up treating myself to a bit of a splurge that I already think was worth the investment. For $78 (plus free shipping!) I got a Balance Ball Chair for my desk at work. I saw this on a website months ago and was intrigued. You know those inflatable exercise balls that are all the rage? Well imagine sitting on one all day. I just started using it today and I love it! I may have started a trend at my office. Sure you feel a little silly sitting on a bouncy ball (in a frame) but it forces you to sit up straight, strengthening your back and core muscles. Note: there is more impressive terminology elsewhere on the web, I'm a fitness newb. Anyone else out there try this chair?

So yes, it does seem like a gimmicky thing to spend money on but I can do exercises at my desk when I'm not working and hopefully it will also help with my posture.

Has anyone else noticed how the more activities you do, the more stuff you want? Next up will be new workout clothes when I lose a few more pounds.

Wedding/Life/Fitness Update

First of all, where did everyone go?

I logged into my Google Analytics today for the first time in a long time and saw much to my dismay that I have experienced a 99% page view decrease in the past month. Seriously I hope something is just wonky with my code but if you are still reading please let me know!!!!

Anyway, maybe it's my fault. I haven't had too many interesting blog posts in a while. Life has been pretty busy and my finances are (thankfully) pretty static. No overdrafts, no fear of losing my job, no crazy collection agencies coming after me. Yay! I still would like to be making more progress but am glad to marvel at the baby steps along the way.

Of course the wedding planning has taken a lot of my focus and that is intrinsically linked to my finances. We are on track to make payments of about $2000 split between December and January. I don't know the exact amount. I should check. See, I need my readers to keep me accountable!!!

The other area of my life that I am concentrating on right now is my physical fitness. Right now it's not so good. I've put on weight over the past year or so and it's really depressing me. But...I am turning a bad situation into a good one. I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted and not work out and still be in good shape. That fantasy world is no longer with me but losing it has meant I have gained an understanding of what my body needs and DOES NOT need.

So I joined a gym class, signed up for Spark People (a great site!), and have been working overtime in the gym. I'm counting my calories and drinking 8 glasses of water a day. After all, do I want to spend $4000 on wedding pictures I never want to look at? Heck no!

Sorry I've been a bad blogger but if you're still with me stay tuned because I have lots to say about wedding planning and working out!

Getting in Shape

Forgive me for my lack of posts lately. Been unmotivated when it comes to finances and that's definitely not a good thing. But I'll try to get back in the swing of things in the next few days. And that's not the only area of my life that needs some motivation....

Fiance and I joined the gym. After quitting nearly a year ago due to my failure to find time/energy to go work out and getting hit with a monthly membership (and sometimes an accompanying bank overdraft fee) I upped and quit the gym. In the months that followed and not entirely related to quitting the gym, I have packed on some pounds and so has my fiance. I've mentioned this before in my mea culpa to new clothes expenses but I'm going to rant about it again.

Gaining weight sucks. Having to buy new clothes isn't fun if you're only buying them because you don't fit into your current wardrobe. And there just doesn't seem to be anything I can pinpoint that I'm doing wrong...yet I have to deal with the judgment and criticisms of my family and sometimes even my friends about my changing appearance. I don't eat junk food. I'm not a lazy bum. I walk everywhere. I do not overindulge. But for whatever reason I am not as thin as I want to be or as I have been in the past. Blame age. Blame beer. I'm fed up with it.

So I've been going to the gym. It takes some getting used to. After not working out for a while the physical pain I endured after the first session was pretty bad. Also I absolutely hate cario exercises. It's just so boring. I've tried swimming. I've tried classes. I've bought video games and workout DVDs. I'll find the thing that works best for me soon. In the meantime I'm just venting. As a bride-to-be I ideally would like to be in great shape and that's just not as easy as it sounds. I work all day long and then I'm just friggen tired and want to get home to my cat and my leisure time. Also I've started a diet that leaves me hungry and drained of all energy I would need to exert on the treadmill. Like I said, I'm working on it.

The relatively good news is that we managed to save a little green on the membership. Since I was rejoining the same gym I belonged to for several years I asked them to waive the membership initiation fee of $100 and they agreed. Also my fiance ended his gym membership at a pricier place so our couplles membership of $65/month is actually slightly cheaper than what he was paying for his single membership.

I'll keep you updated on the progress. In the meantime I would love some getting in shape advice or encouragement!